


SwanQueen Ficlets

by GodAndMonsters



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-02 10:22:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 7,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20713118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GodAndMonsters/pseuds/GodAndMonsters
Summary: A lot of SwanQueen short stories (under 1k)





	1. Soon We'll Be Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How the stars make you feel?” Emma asked while playing with the brunette’s fingers on her chest.
> 
> “Lost,”
> 
> “And lost is bad?” Emma smiled

**** **1\. Soon We'll Be Found**

"What do you see?” The blonde asked her as they laid on the ground, only a worn out blanket beneath them. It was so cold, so dark and the only sound beside Emma’s salty voice was the cracks of the trees. It was kind of terrifying and calming at the same time. 

“The stars,” Regina answered, cuddling closer to the warm body beside her.

Emma just rolled her eyes, her lips so close to dark locks that the small hairs moved when she finally spoke again “Yes, but what the starts look like? , what they make you feel?”

“Yellow shining dots?” Regina tried, her nose scrunching when the words reached her ears, god she was annoying even herself now.“What do you see?” She moved a little, looking at the blonde’s face.

“I see everything,” her pink thin lips turned into a wide hopeful grin and she just stared at the sky for a few moments, not moving an inch.

Regina studied her for a second before she laid back down, claiming her spot on the blonde’s chest. Sometimes Emma was a riddle she just couldn’t solve.

“ I love the starts,” Emma finally spoke again, her hands squeezing the brunette shoulder before pulling her closer to her and kissing her hair. “I love you,”

“I love you too” Regina answered “But I really don’t get you sometimes,” she sighed “I kind of hate the stars, in the Enchanted Forest we used it to navigate, I sucked at it,”

“How the stars make you feel?” Emma asked while playing with the brunette’s fingers on her chest.

“Lost,”

“And lost is bad?” Emma smiled

“Yes?” It came as a question and it confused the brunette that Emma would even ask that of course lost is bad, they both knew how bad lost was, they were both there.

“Lost gave me you, lost gave me Henry, without being lost we can not be found,”

“But if we always had each other-“

“No one can always have something,” The blonde cut her off, “Even a child must wait nine months before he gets to meet his mother,”

“But he always had her,” Regina deadpan.

“But he won’t always have her, the stars remind me that nothing is eternal, it’s ok to be lost because it means you can be found,”

“You are a fool, Emma Swan,” Regina breathed into the crook of her neck, “You are a fool but I love you, almost as much as I hate the stars,”

“Love you too,” Emma whispered and kept her gaze lock on the stars above them, a small content smile on her lips.


	2. Back To December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s too late,” she whispered, her voice came out calm and even a little soft. How can I not love her? How can I give up on her when she acts like that? When she put me first even now.
> 
> “Is it?” I asked and took a few steps closer to her, I could see how her breath hitched with the rising and falling of her chest and I knew that even after all these years I can still affect her, I smiled at the knowledge and came even closer, I could smell her sweet perfume and I could feel the hot air as it left her lips and tickled my own.

**2\. Back To December**

_"So this is me swallowing my pride_  
_Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night"_

“I’ve missed you” I whispered and I hated myself for the way my voice quivered, the way my eyes stung with tears, the way my heart beat out of control as if it wished to claw his way out of my chest and place itself in her hands. In its rightful home.

“Don’t,” she begged, her features flinched at my words as if just the sound of my voice pained her. “What are you doing here?” She still hasn’t looked at me, her eyes were locked on the floor and her fists were clasped hard, she tried to ground herself. We both tried.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, I’ve practiced this conversation, I’ve planned every word, I’ve prepared myself to every outcome, but standing here, looking at her. Nothing could have prepared me to this tornado of emotions.

“Ok,” she said back, her green orbs now searching the sky for any answers and the familiar sharp pain in my chest hit me again, she really couldn’t even look at me.

“We don’t say ‘I love you’” the words left my mouth and in every scenario I ran in my head, in every possibility I came out with, these words were left out and judging by the way Emma’s body shivered and the small whimper that came out of her throat they were left out for a reason.

“No,” she shook her head and wiped the tears from her cheeks, and that’s was when I noticed, that’s was when my world collapsed around me and my own weakness spilled out of me in waves of salty angry tears. “you don’t say ‘I love you’” she pointed her finger at me, her anger was taking over her but I didn’t care, I didn’t even hear her, my mind was in haze and I all I could see was the small shiny diamond that told me it was really over. “I say it, I’ve said it and you ran”

“I-“ the words just didn’t come out, my eyes were focused on her hand and she seemed to noticed it.

“It’s too late,” she whispered, her voice came out calm and even a little soft. How can I not love her? How can I give up on her when she acts like that? When she put me first even now.

“Is it?” I asked and took a few steps closer to her, I could see how her breath hitched with the rising and falling of her chest and I knew that even after all these years I can still affect her, I smiled at the knowledge and came even closer, I could smell her sweet perfume and I could feel the hot air as it left her lips and tickled my own.

She was the one who gave in, she was the one who closed the space between us and locked our lips together. I was the one who drove home but she, she was the one who took me back there, her lips were so soft, her taste was so sweet and I just melt in her embrace and kissed her and kissed her and kissed her until the need of air forced us to stop.

“It is” she mumbled against my swollen red lips, her forehead resting against mine and I squeezed her hand hard, letting the stupid diamond tear my skin as I swore to do anything in my power to get her back.

“I love you,” I breathed.


	3. We're Running Out Of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I do, Emma, I do” my body betrayed me and the tears I fought against all day slid down my cheek, leaving me exposed and weak in front of her.

**3\. We're Running Out Of Time**

“I loved you first,” I whispered, my voice trembled and I could barely stand, “ I loved you first, I loved first, I loved first” I repeated over and over again, I didn’t care that I sounded like a child, that I talked of Emma as if she was a toy some kid stole from me. I didn’t care, because I was there first, I kissed her first, touched her first, made her cry first, broke her heart first.

“Regina..” she whispered and palmed my cheek, “Please,” she closed her eyes as the word left her pink soft lips and I knew how hard it was for her to say that. How hard it was for her to ask me for anything after all I put her through.

“I’m sorry,” I knew the words meant nothing to her. I used these words so many times before, spilled them out at her so often that she was immune to them by now.

Once they were comfort then they were poison and now, now Emma just smiled shyly at me and nodded, as if I asked her about the weather.

“I do, Emma, I do” my body betrayed me and the tears I fought against all day slid down my cheek, leaving me exposed and weak in front of her.

“It doesn’t..” I saw how she fought herself, how her eyes got clouded and her fists were clasped so hard, that I was sure her nails left crescent-shaped marks on her skin. And yet she couldn’t say it, she couldn’t stand in front of me and say it didn’t matter.

And somehow the knowledge didn’t give me any comfort, my body still ached, my skin still burned and my cheeks still got wetter and wetter with every beat of my heart.

“Surrender,” I said and she chuckled humorlessly at me, a small tear escaped her eye and left a wet trail down her cheek. “Emma..” I breathed and she sighed.

“No,” she shook her head, “I’m done,”

“No,” I refused to accept it, refused to give up, I loved her first, I was here first, and she was my first, my first love, my first downfall, my first addiction, and I couldn’t give up, couldn’t accept it. “Please, let’s just not do this tonight,”

“Regina-“ she started again and I just lunged forward and swallowed her words, I kissed her hard, bit her lower lip until she whimpered, I wanted to own her at that moment, I wanted to be own by her, I wanted to remind her how sweet denial can be, how we don’t need reality when we have each other.

“Just for tonight,” I whispered against her lips. “Please don’t let the truth come between us,” she nodded before she kissed me again


	4. A Thief At Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one shot- thief teenage Emma and rich teenage Regina, or the one where Emma breaks into Regina’s house and Regina helps her.

**4\. A Thief At Night**

Regina was wide awake when it happened. She couldn’t sleep, texting her best friend Kay about her boyfriend Robin, how he was flirting with Zelena right in front of her eyes.

She was furious, her blood rushing with adrenaline and her head throbbing, as the words washed out of her into the keyboard of her Galaxy S9.

She was just about to hit send when she heard it. A big ‘thud’ from downstairs. She knew it can’t be her mother, she was fast asleep in her bedroom since the clock show 10PM, her father was away on a business trip so it couldn’t possibly be him either.

“For god's sake Emma!” The teenage girl hissed quietly at the blonde “again?”

“I’m sorry,” the thief replied “I needed something to eat,”

“Sit,” Regina ordered and started to fetch the ingredients for a peanut butter sandwich, something she herself was never allowed to have.

“Are you ok?” the blonde thief asked, coming into the Mills mansion was her last resort, stealing from the only friend she ever had always filled her with guilt.

“I’m fine,” Regina sighed as she slid the plate with the food toward the blonde.  
“Just Robin being an ass,”

“You should dump him,” Emma suggested, talking with her mouth full and causing Regina to smile before she quickly fixed it with a frown.

“So diamond earrings?” She asked, already sneaking upstairs to her mother’s room.

Emma just nodded before she took another bite from her sandwich.


	5. Addict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It wasn’t love,” I declared ,my fists clasped hard and my eyes stung with the tears I forced back, “it was an obsession” I spat the last word as if it was a curse, a poison, and in some kind of way it was, Emma was my curse, she was my poison, she was the best drug I ever took, the best high I ever had, but she was also the worst low I ever experienced.

**5\. Addict**

“It wasn’t love,” I declared ,my fists clasped hard and my eyes stung with the tears I forced back, “it was an obsession” I spat the last word as if it was a curse, a poison, and in some kind of way it was, Emma was my curse, she was my poison, she was the best drug I ever took, the best high I ever had, but she was also the worst low I ever experienced.

“Stop” she whispered, she shook her head and tried to forget, forget the bad, forget the tears, the drama, the blood, the anger. She tried to forget everything and here I was, standing in front of her, demanding one thing- to remember.

“Wants became needs” I sighed and took one step closer to her, “When we were together..”

“You’re walking on a very thin line,” she warned me, her finger shaking as she pointed it at me and I just laughed, “there isn’t a line we haven’t already crossed” I replied, my voice raspy with the hours I spent on crying.

“You’ve become my addiction” I looked down and played with my fingers as I confessed, as I finally admitted it, not just to myself but to her. I stood in front of my drug and told her how weak she makes me, how standing here so close yet so far makes my cells burn with need, I longed to hold her, to smell her, to be hers.

“Withdrawal is a bitch” she chuckled as if she understood, as if she knew how my body shook without the warmth of her arms around me, as if she felt the needles in every cell of my body, the flames beneath my skin, all the ways my body punished me for giving up on her, as if she heard how I cried for her, for her blonde locks, her green orbs, her sweet smile, every single day. As if she loved me as much as I loved her.

“It was, but at least I’m clean” I looked at the ground, knowing that one glimpse at those forest eyes, one quirk of her pink lips was enough to make me cave.

“You are?” She stepped closer to me, her sweet vanilla scent surrounded me and I could hear my heart beating out of control, I prayed she couldn’t.

“I am,” my voice quivered and I forced myself to breathe, to ground myself, to remember “I think,” she came closer, her hand rested on my cheek and she forced me to look at her, to look at glossy eyes, at torn features, and I realized, for the first time, I wasn’t the only addict.

“We can’t” I exhaled and closed my eyes, forcing every memory, every painful experience into my mind, every fight, every cry, every breakup we had.

“Because you’re clean?” Her smile was so sad, so broken that I had to touch her, to comfort her, I lifted my palm and softly stroked her cheek as I said my last confession.

“No,” I shook my head from side to side and my silky locks tickled her jaw, “because I’m an addict,” I breathed against her pink lips.

And I remembered again and again and again.


	6. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They never talked about it before, whenever Emma brought the subject up Regina just brushed it away and kissed her hard, as if she tried to erase something, forget something. And Emma didn’t push, maybe she should have, maybe if she did she wouldn’t have made the mistake of buying a ring, or kneeling down and asking, maybe the love of her life wouldn’t have drown in her own mind, wouldn’t have whimpered quietly, a lonely tear sliding down her cheek.

**6\. Forever**

**TW- implied past abuse**

“Regina..” Emma breathed and took the woman trembling hands, trying to ground her, let her know she was with her. She never before saw her so lost, like her mind took her to the darkest places, to the deepest memories.

Her breath was shallow and her eyes seemed blurry, not with tears, not with sorrow or sadness but with horror, the kind of horror only life experience can throw upon you.

They never talked about it before, whenever Emma brought the subject up Regina just brushed it away and kissed her hard, as if she tried to erase something, forget something. And Emma didn’t push, maybe she should have, maybe if she did she wouldn’t have made the mistake of buying a ring, or kneeling down and asking, maybe the love of her life wouldn’t have drown in her own mind, wouldn’t have whimpered quietly, a lonely tear sliding down her cheek. Maybe if she would have pushed Regina to talk about it she wouldn’t be the one who pushed her back into her worse nightmare, no, memory.

“I can’t..” Regina suddenly mumbled, shaking her head again and again, her grip on Emma’s hands getting stronger with each movement as if she tried to bring herself back to reality.  
But what worries Emma the most were her words, she kept whispering apologies over and over again “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry..”

“Don’t,” Emma lifted their joined hands and palmed her cheek “It’s ok,”

“I want forever,” Regina tried to explain, “I just..”

“I know,” Emma forced a smile, “We don’t have too,”

“I love you,” Regina promised “so, so much,”

“I love you too,” she watched as a red lip quirked up and a genuine smile graced Regina’s face before she leaned in and kissed her softly.


	7. We're Kind Of Roommates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And yes, sometimes, when the thunder screams so loud outside, Emma does find herself in Regina's bed, because the brunette's scent and soothing words are the only things that can ease her back to sleep.
> 
> But they are not a couple.

**7\. We're Kind Of Roommates**

“We are not a couple..” she finds herself muttering this excuse to yet another person, because she and Regina are not together. Yes, they are living together- for Henry’s sake and yes, Regina does pack her lunch every single morning with a red apple on the side as a joke. Or as a fruit, Regina keeps bugging her to eat.  
And yes, sometimes, when the thunder screams so loud outside, Emma does find herself in Regina’s bed, because the brunette's scent and soothingwords are the only things that can ease her back to sleep.

But they are not a couple. Which means that this blonde in front of her, this blonde with green eyes and sun-kissed locks, the one that puts her hand on Regina’s thigh. The one who looks exactly like her. She can date Regina.

“We kind of roommates,” Regina explains to the bewildered woman. “We share a son.”

“So,” she squints her eyes and tries to comprehend the whole situation, her hand squeezes the brunette's thigh, causing Regina to shudder. “You are single,”

“Yes,” Regina answers and it’s Emma’s turn to shudder, her heart freezing in her chest and she needs to do something, anything.

“No,” she declares, causing both sets of eyes to look at her. “She’s not single,”

“I’m not?” Regina asks surprised and hopeful. She never thought this plan will actually work. She really needs to thank Zelena.

“I’m not,” she echoes as she moves the blonde's palm from her thigh, her expression is very clear and the blonde huffs in annoyance before she vanishes, searching for another date for tonight.

“So,” Emma murmurs, all the confidence she felt a second ago gone and her green orbs staring shyly on the ground.

“Miss Swan,” the authority in the tone made her flinch and Regina places her hand on her thigh, trying to reassure her it is ok. “You just cost me a beautiful blonde, you better make it worthwhile.” She smirks before she leans forward. Saying all that’s needs to say with her kiss. And Emma kisses her back, saying ‘I love you too,’


	8. We're Not Wonderful Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I hate you,” the blonde yelled, her face flushed and her fist clenched tight, she tried to stop herself, to calm herself down but Regina knew exactly how to play with her, she knew exactly which buttons to push, she knew exactly how to make her see red, how to make her breath heavy, how to make her blow up.
> 
> She couldn't tell where they went wrong, when sweet kisses and ‘I love you’s’ stopped and bites and ‘I hate you’s’ begun.
> 
> Prompt from the Facebook group

**8\. We're Not Wonderful Anymore**

“I hate you,” the blonde yelled, her face flushed and her fist clenched tight, she tried to stop herself, to calm herself down but Regina knew exactly how to play with her, she knew exactly which buttons to push, she knew exactly how to make her see red, how to make her breath heavy, how to make her blow up.

She couldn't tell where they went wrong, when sweet kisses and ‘I love you’s’ stopped and bites and ‘I hate you’s’ begun.

She couldn't tell when her heart stopped beating fast with excitement and started beating fast with anger, with hate, with despair.

“The feeling couldn’t be more mutual,” the brunette spit back at her, her hands shaking and her eyes are purple as she attempted to tame the beast inside her.

She couldn’t tell where they failed too, but the sweet addictive taste of happiness was still fresh in her mind, the loving touches of the blonde still burned in her skin and the feeling of letting it slip between her fingers yet again, saying goodbye to another lover, another chance, another ‘true love’ was unbearable, so unbearable that she just never said it. No. She and Emma never said goodbye, never broke up, instead, they tore each other apart with words and actions, they made each other suffer, dig into each other worst wounds and made each other bleed, harder, deeper, faster.

And when words were over, when every wound was reopened and every scar was fresh again that’s when they marked each other, bitting, kissing, scratching, owning each other in the most devastating, heartbreaking and dangerous way. It was love, no one could deny that, Emma loved Regina and Regina loved Emma. It was love, It was hate, they just walked on this thin line everyone keeps talking about, they walked on it and walked on it and walked on it and they didn’t notice as the line disappeared leaving them both alone and expose, each one waiting for the other to choose. No one chose.

“What did I expect from Snow White offspring,” the brunette mumbled and Emma seethed with anger as she pushed her against the wall, kissing her hard and biting on her lower lips until Regina whimpered in agony and pushed at her hair.

It was love, It was hate.

* * *

_-Flashback-_

_“Look at you two lovebirds, seriously it’s disgusting,” Ruby stated as she came taking their orders._

_“We are wonderful,” Emma said and kissed the brunette cheek._

_“Wonderful?” Regina chuckled and Emma just smiled and smiled and smiled._

_“We are wonderful I guess,” Regina couldn’t help but agree before she leaned in and captured those pink wonderful lips with her own._

_-End of flashback-_

* * *

Tracing the red lines of the porcelain skin beneath her with her slender fingers she couldn’t help but ask, “Are we ever going to be ok?”

“I don’t know,” the blonde groaned and turn around. Ending this discussion. That’s was how they were these days, saving it and saving it and saving until it blew up, burning them, tearing them, killing them.

“Emma,” Regina sighed and scratched lightly at her side, forcing her lover to listen, to react, to do something.

“Please Regina,” the wet voice of the blonde told Regina everything she needed to know, they were both tormenting themselves, they were both aware of the situation. “I don’t want to figure it out, I don’t want to-“ her voice broke down and Regina kissed her neck over and over and over until the blonde spoke again “Let’s save it for later,”

“I love you,” Regina whispered and she could hear Emma confessing her love for her too. But maybe that was the problem. You always hurt the ones you love the most. ‘Love is weakness’ her mother once said, and now Regina finally understood the meaning behind those words.  
.

.

.

“We’re not wonderful anymore,” Regina muttered to her one day. Coffee in hand and a lonely tear on her perfect cheek.

And they both knew, they both understood and they both said nothing as Emma left.


	9. The President Hit My Car

**9\. The President Hit My Car**

“Fuck!” Emma yelled as she stepped out of the car.

“What have you done?” An angry voice behind her asked and Emma exploded.

“What have I done? You’ve hit me!” She pointed at scratches and the dent on the back of her precious bug. Still not gracing the brunette with a look.

“Well.., you suddenly stopped, I was surprised,”

“YOU SHOULD HAVE-“ she was about to finish that sentence when she finally noticed who she was talking to, “You are-“

“The president, nice to meet you,” the brunette smirked at the blonde light blush before she noticed how the blonde straighten her shoulder and cleared her throat. “Well, according to the law,” the blonde fixed her eyes on the politician “you must keep a safe distance so-“

“I’ll go get my insurance information,”

“Why do you drive a normal car?” The blonde suddenly blurted. cursing her stupid mouth for letting the words out without her permission.

“I was about to have a normal night,” the president smiled at the blonde’s embarrassment.

“Taking a break,” she rolled her eyes.

“I guess you didn’t vote for me,” Regina chuckled. Her eyes roaming over the blonde’s body as If they found another territory to conquer.

“Trust me,” the blonde huffed “I voted for you, but only because the other guy was worse.”

“Well,” Regina checked the ID in the blonde’s hand “Miss Swan, here’s my number in case you have any problems” she handed the blonde the card and Emma stared at it, realizing it was a mobile number, “this is-“

“My number,” the brunette confirmed, a mischievous smile on her red full lips “as I’ve said I’m about to have a normal night, but I’ll be more than happy to continue this discussion later, call me,”

“Is this an order for my president?” the blonde smirked.

“Much worse,” Regina came closer and tucked a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. “It’s an order from Regina Mills.”


	10. For A Second

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “For a second, she loved me,” Regina whispered, her eyes staring right ahead, watching as the waves crashed onto the shore, not daring to look at green orbs who searched and searched, begging her to let her in.  
She could still see her mother’s eyes as she put the heart inside, as she put the poison inside her. ‘Love is weakness’ her mother said ‘love is death’.
> 
> Takes place right after Cora's death. SwanQueen.

**10\. For A Second**

“For a second, she loved me,” Regina whispered, her eyes staring right ahead, watching as the waves crashed onto the shore, not daring to look at green orbs who searched and searched, begging her to let her in.

She could still see her mother’s eyes as she put the heart inside, as she put the poison inside her. ‘Love is weakness’ her mother said ‘love is death’.

“For a second I was loved.” She stated coldly, her fist clenched tight.

“You are loved,” the blonde murmured, “Henry loves you so much,” she quickly added, because Regina will never believe she was loved by so many people, that her curse actually gave her what she spent her entire life chasing. A home, a family. And she was loved, so loved, by Snow and Henry and Emma. But Emma kept her mouth shut, instead she just let her hand rest on a tensed shoulder, giving Regina time.

“He loved me so much that he ran to you,” she spat the words. Needed to blame someone, anyone. It was easier that way. Easier to deal with the pain of gaining love and acceptance and losing it on the same day. Same minute. “It’s better that way,” she sighed, “it’s better for him that way.” Because everyone who gets close die. And maybe she can deal with losing her mother, maybe, but she will never survive losing Henry.

“I’m sorry,” she hated herself for saying it now. It was way too late for forgiveness and yet she ached for it, she needed to let the words out, she needed her to know. “I should have trusted my instincts, I should have known,” but the girl inside her, the one who still searched for her parents, who still waited every night for them to come and take her, who still wanted to be accepted by them. That girl took control, that girl ignored every red flag and followed her dream. Followed her parents.

“It doesn’t matter,” the brunette replied, and it was such a clear lie that Emma superpower laughed at the statement. “It does,” the brunette fixed herself with a sigh, “it does matter but it can’t fix anything”

“I know,” Emma sat beside her on the bench, still searching for brown, glossy orbs who kept avoiding her. “But maybe we can try to create something new.” And it was all she could offer. All she could do to try and earn the woman's trust again. A trust she wasn’t sure she was worthy of anymore, but she knew she will keep fighting for every day. Because for some reasons she couldn’t comprehend at the moment, Regina’s trust was everything.

“For a second I was loved,” Regina mumbled again and Emma’s heart broke. She reached for her hand, surprised when the brunette didn’t reject her touch. “You are loved,” she reassured and squeezed the hand softly. Letting the sound of the waves do the rest of the talking.


	11. A Locked Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Bed..” You gasp against her lips and she picks you up, you can feel the muscles of her arms and you dig your nails into her skin. Marking her. Claiming her. You secretly hope it will last until tomorrow, that her filthy pirate will see it.

**11\. A Locked Room**

“Regina,” she says and you fight with yourself, her voice is so sweet and tempting, her eyes are getting darker and darker as they roam over your body, burning you, tasting you, killing you.

“We shouldn’t..” you mumble but you know it’s pointless, you’ve already lost. You lost the second you saw her, the second she saw you, you lost, and if you’re honest with yourself, you don't really care. You rather lose if winning means you can't be with her anymore.

She locks the door. And you feel sick for a second, it’s forbidden being alone with her in a locked room. It’s forbidden the way her tongue licks her lower lip, the way she comes closer and closer, the way her breath tickling your ear, the way her scent makes your head dizzy, its forbidden, but she has a way of making you throw away all your values, she has a way of making you forget that your soulmate is downstairs watching a movie with your teenager son.

“Take off your clothes,” she commends and you lunge forward. Kissing her, silencing her, proving her that you still have some kind of control. It’s useless, you both know that you’re lost, and you’re just hoping she’s lost too, you’re hoping she’s fighting with herself too.

And you’re hoping she’s praying to lose too.

“Regina..” she moans your name and you shiver with excitement, you can feel the wetness sliding down your thighs and you hate yourself for how weak you are, how weak she makes you.

“Bed..” You gasp against her lips and she picks you up, you can feel the muscles of her arms and you dig your nails into her skin. Marking her. Claiming her. You secretly hope it will last until tomorrow, that her filthy pirate will see it.

She’s impatient as she takes off your clothes, ripping your shirt and not even bothering with unclasping your bra as she just slides up the caps, exposing you to her needy hands and hungry mouth.

You don’t remember the last time you felt this helpless with your soulmate. You don’t remember the last time you begged him for more. You don’t remember the last time you’ve ached for him to touch you, the last time you’ve ached to touch him.

Her lips burning you and she knows it, that’s why she kisses you everywhere, setting your body on fire, aiming to make you arch, aiming to own you. She knows she owns you.

She hasn’t even entered you yet and you already climaxed once. But she never settles for one orgasm. No. She wants you to remember. She wants to be unforgettable, irreplaceable. Must be her childhood’s trauma, you assume.

She bites on your shoulder as she inserts two fingers inside you and you feel the pain and pleasure at the same time. It’s funny how the sex resembles your relationship. You can’t help but chuckle and she looks at you with a puzzled look, you just kiss her nose, making her smirk before she pulls her fingers out just to slide them harder into you, making you moan deeper and bite into her neck. It’s to remain silent you tell yourself. But you know you’ve put a silencing spell over this room.

When you finally come, it’s so hard you almost pass out. She peppers kisses all over your face, bringing you back into a reality your not so sure you want to be a part of.

“Hello,” she whispers when you finally open your eyes. And she’s so beautiful, like an angel with her blonde locks that tickle your shoulders, with her green eyes full of pride and mischief and dare you to say- love.

“Hello,” you answer back, and it’s so forbidden for both of you to be alone in a locked room, so forbidden, but so so addictive.


	12. I Don't Want To Be Your Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t want to be your friend,” she says, her voice is desperate and raspy her eyes are shining and she comes closer and closer. She never comes too close though. She never touches Emma, never hugs Emma, not even after she saves her life for the hundredth time.

**12\. I Don't Want To Be Your Friend**

“I don’t want to be your friend,” she says, her voice is desperate and raspy her eyes are shining and she comes closer and closer. She never comes too close though. She never touches Emma, never hugs Emma, not even after she saves her life for the hundredth time.

“I don’t want to be your friend,” she repeats, this time she searches green eyes for something, anything and Emma just takes a deep breath, her hands shaking with the need to do reach out and make sure its all real. Her legs are trembling with the urge to run and pretend this moment never ever happened. “Emma?” Regina gasps and closes her eyes, “Don’t,” she pleads. And something inside Emma breaks, she ran away from every situation in her life, she runs away when her heart beating too fast, when her stomach starting to roll, she runs away from lies, from truths, from people.

But somehow she can never run away from Regina, somehow she always ended up running towards her. A part of her wants to say its because of Henry, another part of her knows its a lie. At that moment she hates her ability to detect lies.

“What you do want?” She finally manages to stutter.

“To be happy,” Regina replies with a shrug, pretending its all so easy and simple, pretending their lives is not one obstacle after another. But the shaking of her lower lip gives her away, the way she keeps on rubbing her wrist tells Emma she just as nervous, just as confused and insecure and terrified.

“We’ve been dancing around this line for so long,” the blonde whispers as she giving up to her selfish needs and reaching for the brunette’s hand, rubbing her wrist with her thumb, feeling as the brunette pulse beating faster and faster.

“I don’t want to dance anymore Emma, I’m tired..” she confesses, a lonely tear sliding down her cheek.

“One last dance?” Emma smirks before she closes the distance between them, her hands come to rest on Regina’s waist before they slowly dance.

“I don’t want to be your friend too,” Emma whispers and leans in to lay a brave kiss on the brunette’s forehead. “Regina Mills,” she mumbles against olive skin and she cant help but notice that the urge to run had faded away, leaving her expose and vulnerable, yet.. free. “Will you be my girlfriend?”


	13. It Doesn't Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It doesn’t matter,” she tells herself when he kisses her. “It doesn’t matter” she declares when he takes her hand. Proving, showing she’s with him.
> 
> “It doesn’t matter,” she states, but she gets up and leaves the diner. She runs and runs and she craves to burn everything.

**13\. It Doesn't Matter**

“It doesn’t matter,” she tells herself when he kisses her. “It doesn’t matter” she declares when he takes her hand. Proving, showing she’s with him.

“It doesn’t matter,” she states, but she gets up and leaves the diner. She runs and runs and she craves to burn everything.

“It matters” the darkness inside her cries, sending photos, memories, flashes of missed opportunities._ ‘My gift to you is good memories’ _Regina promised. Yet her memories cut, wound, throb.

_‘Maybe I need you,’_ Regina uttered when they both were so blind to see, so fool to understand. It was never one way. It was always give and take, it was always about saving each other, about _‘not the way I do, not the way you do’._

“Emma,” A breath. And Emma breaks down. It’s the first time in weeks that she catches her name falling from those lips.

_‘Start acting like Emma again and we’ll talk’_

“What do you want?” She growls, fighting her darkness by shutting her eyes and forcing her magic down.

“To help you,” she confesses, because if anyone knows what it’s like to fight the darkness. What it takes to tame your demons it’s her. And she knows, they both know, that some demons can never be tamed.

“It doesn’t matter,” she repeats, clenching her fists and keeping her eyes closed. She knows, she feels the magic in the air, she smells the fire, she can imagine the destruction around her. And somehow Regina is there, with her. 

“Breathe,” she mutters through the chaos yet Emma’s ears catching it. Searching for the familiar husky tone of her voice. Aching for it.

“Say it again,” she demands. Too tired of asking and being denied. Too tired of playing by some rules or authors that were never on her side.

“Open your eyes.” Regina orders. It was always give and take.

“Say it again,” The savior opens her eyes and echoes.

“Emma,” Regina comes closer and closer, “Emma,” she reaches for a clasped fist “Emma,” she promises as she palms a wet cheek. “Always Emma.”


	14. Truth Or Dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She could feel the serum running through her veins and for a split second she regretted not choosing dare, but it was too late to revise her decision. The burning sensation in her throat and the sting of tears in her eyes told her that the next words that will come out of her mouth will be out of her control and she could only wish some of the walls she built over the years will be strong enough to guard her deepest secrets.

**14\. Truth Or Dare**

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth” Emma answered, not even thinking twice before she sipped the truth serum.

She had no idea how this girls' night out turned into a full witches' night out, maybe it was all her fault for inviting Zelena.

She could feel the serum running through her veins and for a split second she regretted not choosing dare, but it was too late to revise her decision. The burning sensation in her throat and the sting of tears in her eyes told her that the next words that will come out of her mouth will be out of her control and she could only wish some of the walls she built over the years will be strong enough to guard her deepest secrets.

“Why did you take the dark curse?” She asked, her eyes locked on the blonde woman and strategically avoiding her sister’s burning gaze.

“There wasn’t any other way,” the words slipped out of her mouth and left her with abitter taste, to anyone but her it sounded like a lie. But with the serum in her veins, and the tears running down her flushed cheeks it was clear that Emma was telling the truth._ Her truth_.

“Emma,” Regina called her name and quickly moved to grab the shaking hand of the blonde, she tried, in vain, to get the blonde to look at her. She wanted, needed, the woman to understand, to see, the truth in her eyes because they both knew that words are never enough, words can never keep a promise or hold the tenderness and certainty that actions and stolen glances held. Words, in their world, were tainted with _lies_.

“There wasn’t any other way,” Emma repeated as she squeezed the warm hand of the brunette. She closed her eyes tight, trying to protect herself from the emotions that were not in her control at the moment, but with poison in her veins, she just sank deeper into memories and emotions she tried to escape from. She mentally cursed herself for taking the serum, for_ not thinking_ before acting.

“Emma,” Regina let the name slipped softly from her lips before she palmed a wet, white cheek. She used her thumb wipe the tears away before she whispered the name again, the warm air brushed against pink, dry lips and Emma finally opened her eyes.

“There wasn’t-“

“I know,” Regina stopped her from falling into her mind again and instead she squeezed her hand once before she got up, still holding Emma’s hand within her own, she walked them out of the room.

“Hey,” she called when she noticed green eyes were avoiding her again, instead they were busy looking at their intertwined fingers.

“I loved you first,” Emma suddenly declared, her mind taking her to Robin shielding Regina from the curse, Robin kissing Regina at Granny, Robin making Regina smile, and she hated herself for _overthinking_ all these years instead of just acting. “I-“

“I know,” Regina stopped her from talking, instead she kissed her forehead, letting her lips linger there until it hurt both of them to stepped away, “I know,” she whispered again. They both never needed words to explain their truth, their feelings, maybe they both avoided words because, above all, it was easier. Gazes, actions, touches, they can all be interpreted as both nothing and everything.


	15. Dark Deeds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And she doesn’t need to say anymore. They both know it, they both know how being helpless make you ache for control and how being consumed by power and darkness can make you lost.

**15\. Dark Deeds**

“And I killed him,” she sighs heavily, like even in his death she can not find comfort. Like even the knowledge he can not physically harm her anymore doesn’t reassure her she is indeed safe. “I watched it, I watched how his eyes lost their essence of life. And I never regretted it. Never questioned it.”

“And how did it make you feel?” The blonde asks and sniffles a little bit. The blood on her hands makes her somehow small yet powerful. It makes her feel things she never wished to feel and somehow now, knowing she is capable of such hideous yet quite addictive, dangerous things she can never wish it away. No. The orphan, helpless girl inside her wants this power so much. She wants to cherish it, she wants to make it grow stronger and stronger. She wants to own it. To be it.

“Strong.” Regina confesses, “Weak.” She whispers before she takes the blonde’s hand and squeezes it softly. “Addict.” She concludes.

And she doesn’t need to say anymore. They both know it, they both know how being helpless make you ache for control and how being consumed by power and darkness can make you lost.

“But you will never be lost like that,” Regina promises. It’s beyond her control and she knows it. Saving Emma from herself is impossible, but the brunette knows she will dive inside the blonde’s darkest memories, she will witness the blonde’s most destructive behavior and she will do everything she can to prevent Emma from going down the same road she did.

‘_You made me a monster but I will not let you do the same to Emma’_

And Emma all of sudden is kissing her, her lips wet with the tears that keep falling from her eyes, her fingers desperately clenching her coat, and the kiss is sloppy and salty. Regina knows Emma isn’t fully understanding her actions. She knows Emma is just trying to escape, to forget.

“Emma,” she whispers against her lips, she doesn’t push her away. She can’t push her away. When it comes to Emma all she can do these days is to pull her in.

“Please,” the blonde whispers and kisses her neck softly. “I need you.”

_‘Maybe I need you,’ That’s all it takes. All she needs to say and Emma is there._

“And I’m here for you,” Regina whispers. She kisses her forehead and hugging her close. She thinks she found something more addictive than power. And she wants to get lost in it.


	16. Assassins and Evil Queens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I tried to kill you,” she finally let the words slip from her tongue and she feels relieved. "Multiple times",

**16\. Assassins And Evil Queens**

“Wait,” she gasps against swollen lips and watches as Regina’s eyes changed from misty and confused to annoyed. “What?” her voice is raspy, her hair is messy from Emma’s fingers, her chest is rising and falling, fast and desperate for air, and even though the blonde knows that the woman is dangerous, that the woman can kill her with a flip of her hand or with one simple command, if she wishes to keep her hands clean, she still can’t help but giggle and kiss her forehead tenderly.

“Emma,” the brunette growls and slides her hand beneath a green shirt, scratching a porcelain skin and closes her eyes at the moan that escapes from pink lips. “Wait,” the blonde repeats her ridiculous request. “What?!” The brunette barks.

“I need,” Emma closes her eyes and breathes for a second, the weight of the brunette on her lap, the wet, sticky spot on her thigh, the sweet, toxic smell of danger that is solely Regina. It’s all a sweet and addictive distraction, and for a second she wonders why she does need to come clean. For a second, until she remembers that she is no longer satisfied by this, that she does not wish to be satisfied like this. “I tried to kill you,” she finally let the words slip from her tongue and she feels relieved. "Multiple times", she feels like maybe now, with the force of truth between them, with Regina hating her on the best or killing her on the worst scenario, she can be free. Free from these emotions her kind were never meant to feel. She’s a murderer, a soldier, not a lover, not a human.

“I know,” Regina said before she nips on her throat, letting her teeth sink into a sensitive flash. “I always knew” she murmurs as she licks the abused skin, licking the few drops of blood before she kisses her way toward the blonde’s lips. Kissing, nipping and swallowing the rest of Emma’s confession.

“I also know you stopped trying,”

“I am an assassin.” A truth.

“And I am the Evil Queen.” Another truth.


	17. A Happy Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Robin is not my happy ending” she confesses before she reaches for her glass, sipping her poison of choice and letting the burning in her throat soothes the pain and humiliation of her reality. “He never was,” she whispers and her eyes stare far away or maybe further in, into her memories and sensations, into parts of herself she locked and never wished to open again. “Not even back then in the enchanted forest.”  
Work Text:

**17\. A Happy Ending**

“Robin is not my happy ending” she confesses before she reaches for her glass, sipping her poison of choice and letting the burning in her throat soothes the pain and humiliation of her reality. “He never was,” she whispers and her eyes stare far away or maybe further in, into her memories and sensations, into parts of herself she locked and never wished to open again. “Not even back then in the enchanted forest.”

“Regina,” she softly and tenderly let the name slips from her pink lips. Too afraid to break the fragile brunette with nothing but her voice. “Is happy ending a person?” She asks quietly. Half hoping the brunette hasn’t heard her.

“I don’t think so... I mean, Henry is...”

“Everything,” Emma completes the sentence for her. And it fits perfectly. Because Emma in some tragic way the only person who has been through enough to know her mind, her thoughts and maybe, maybe know her.

“Yes,” she closes her eyes. “And still...” She’s so ashamed to admit it, admit that Henry is everything and yet everything isn’t enough. Regina is happy. She can’t deny it. She’s more alive than she’s ever been, yet her mind isn't settled. This is not what a happy ending should feel like, this is not what her world considers a happy ending to be. But then again, in this world, a “happy ending” belongs only in fairy tales.

“It’s okay,” Emma reassures and only Emma, only Emma can mutters ‘it’s okay’ and not being burnt alive by one of Regina’s fireball.

Because only Emma understands these demons. These memories, being hunted.

“A happy ending is an illusion,” Regina says before she reaches to hold Emma’s hand, letting this small contact comfort her. “For us...” she finishes.

Because maybe the optimistic Snow-White can have her happy ending, maybe some mermaids can reunite with their loved ones and forget the horrors of the past. And Regina will conquer a thousand more kingdoms to reassure her son will get his happy ending.

But Emma and Regina, they both know happy endings are nothing but a dream for them.

“I don’t need one,” Emma lies.

Regina in return just squeezes her hand gently.

“I have enough,” Emma silently whispers to herself and her eyes drifts to their hands.

Sometimes, she selfishly wishes for more.

****

It’s past midnight when Emma opens the mansion’s door and helps a very drunk Regina climbing up the stairs, she hesitates when she reaches the bedroom but Regina makes the choice for both of them when she drags her in.

It’s when Regina half asleep when she mutters softly, “I have enough.”

And in this ridiculous moment, Emma

starts to think it might someday be the truth.


	18. Trick Or Treat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hello.” the brunette replied. No one knocked on her door in years. People barely walked near her house. Everyone kept a safe distance, believing she was cursed or a witch or a serial killer. Rumors passed and changed quickly around the small town of Storybrooke.

“Trick or treat!” the four-year-old boy smiled widely at the brunette. His mother was running toward him, a worried look on her face, one his youthful innocence couldn’t comprehend yet.

“Hello.” the brunette replied. No one knocked on her door in years. People barely walked near her house. Everyone kept a safe distance, believing she was cursed or a witch or a serial killer. Rumors passed and changed quickly around the small town of Storybrooke.

“Henry!” the terrified blonde ran toward her son, pushing him behind her back as if to protect him. She couldn’t tell from what.

“Trick or treat!” the four-year-old stamp his foot and declared again.

“It’s ok,” Emma tried to put an end to this unwelcome encounter, “Henry we need to go,”

“No!” the boy replied and moved from behind the protective proximity of his mother, “Hey,” he said to the woman and moved toward her, with his childlike nativity and his youthful wisdom he could detect more than anyone in this town.

“Hey,” the woman replied, a lonely tear falling from her eye.

“Would you like a candy?” he asked.

And for the first time in years, Regina smiled.


End file.
